Moving on. I'm not leaving you for better things. I'm leaving you for what is better for me. With that said.... yes I am excited for what the future holds because of the mystery involved. The whats next? The not knowing whats to come is exciting. Not scary. I thought that I would be terrified of this part.
My life fit perfectly, well almost, with a nice shove here and there, Into 10 boxes. count em. 10. That to most would be scary. Scary in the way of where the hell am I going to sleep kinda way... But i'm not scared. My new life holds endless possibilities. Simple pleasures like wine with old friends. Cabin trips with people I love. Lake Powell. All of that in the upcoming weeks. To follow? Who knows. Of course I'm planning but nothing is set in stone. A big door has just opened in my life. Not because something was wrong. But because it wasn't right. I see that now.
Life in Florida has been an adventure. What brought me here ended up not being the reason that I stayed. Life is funny that way. Sometimes there is a plan in place that you aren't even aware of until it happens... and sometimes you just have to let go of what you know and run with what you don't. Ladybugs are funny that way. Last time I was going through some major life changes I had an experience. It may be seen as small by some but to me it was more. In about a weeks time I came into contact with about 20 ladybugs. 2am sitting on the front porch. Sitting at a stop light. etc. After one particular ah ha moment I looked into ladybugs as an animal totem. Essentially when you come into contact with your totem in dreams or in reality i
ts a sign of something. Ladybugs are a sign of protection. A sign of letting go and letting god. So that is what I did. For the first time I took a leap of faith when I couldn't see the ledge. Just the other day when i was beginning to doubt myself. An expected moment. I steped outside and within seconds I had a ladybug on my arm. Most wouldn't even give it a second thought. To me... It was confirmation. Confirmation that I already had in myself. But more than anything I knew more so at that moment that I was making the right decision for me.
ts a sign of something. Ladybugs are a sign of protection. A sign of letting go and letting god. So that is what I did. For the first time I took a leap of faith when I couldn't see the ledge. Just the other day when i was beginning to doubt myself. An expected moment. I steped outside and within seconds I had a ladybug on my arm. Most wouldn't even give it a second thought. To me... It was confirmation. Confirmation that I already had in myself. But more than anything I knew more so at that moment that I was making the right decision for me. I know I might sound a little bit selfish right now. In a sense I need to be. Its my time to be selfish. If I had realized this a wedding and baby down the road I woudn't have the same opprotunities that I do now. So yes. Selfish. While I can. Sometimes I still can't believe how comfortable I am here. Yet... I am. Thursday just couldn't come faster. I'm starting to feel like I'm in limbo here. Then I will get a call or message from someone that lifts my spirits again.
I am happy with the things that I've been able to do before I left. Namely the beach. I didn't visit it enough since I've lived in Florida. The ocean is such an amazing thing and I took advantage of being so close. But in the same respet I also took advantage of the amazing mountains that I will soon be seeing. Hiking this weekend? Hell yes.
I will miss Florida. But I am also ready to move on to whatever is in my future. Walking the labryinth. Walking my path. Even if I feel a little bit lost... I know I will end up where I am supposed to be. Goodbye Florida.
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